Central Pacific Edition
Vigilance Victorious in Central Pacific B-Ball Challenge
The Mermaid Vigilance All-Star Team of Ikhsan “Shark Attack” O’Neil, Mardan “Blue Bear” Jordan, and Noe “El Capitán” Rodman streaked to victory today in a much anticipated and hotly contested matchup at the Aft Deck Arena. The undefeated visiting HooeyKnots may have suffered from overconfidence, as “Layup” Lorraine, “Not Michael” Jourdan, and “Pick & Roll” Packard could not match the scrappy play of the hometown favorites.
Lorraine scored first, and a second basket by Packard gave the ‘Knots an early lead. But it was not to last, as the All Stars kept up he pressure and soon took control. Coach “Spider” King called a timeout and pretended to draw up a play, hoping to trick his opponents into thinking the ‘Knots knew what they were doing. The tactic failed as the home team schooled them in what “home court advantage” means.
They cleverly bounced the ball off vent covers, railings, and even off the spectators to the frustration of the visitors, and finished off the “Knots with an 8-5 score. The record low tally was attributed to a particularly nasty swell and (face it) profoundly poor shooting as both teams missed repeatedly from point blank range.
In defeat, the HooeyKnots and their fans stood at center court and sang their chosen song of hope and redemption, “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” to the quizzical looks of the Mermaid fans.
In a post-game interview, ‘Knots power forward Jourdan attributed the outcome to bad coaching, improper ball inflation, and incompetent officiating. HooeyKnot fans were clearly not pleased; one complained the referee was dishonest. There was no comment from the league, though referee Joe “Popeye” Litchfield said in his opinion the HooeyKnots were a “bunch of half-witted high tide clam diggers.”
Noe “El Capitán” Rodman praised his teammates and graciously gave the HooeyKnots credit for a good effort and nice hair. Meanwhile, rumors swirled around accusations that some inducement was offered to the referee to “keep it fair.” The source went on to say he threw the money back after the game saying something about it was “not enough.”
What’s next for the HooeyKnots? Will there be a rematch? Will free agent Lorraine hold out for a bigger contract and a supply of styrofoam cups? Will Packard be traded for transponder floats? The coming weeks will tell.